A Whole Bunch of Goings On... April 15, 2008

This probably belongs in my private journal, but I'm too tired today to actually write it out by hand.  It's so much easier to type.  So, this is going to be long, and not too cleverly written, but there are things I wanted to think about and say, and some things that I wanted to put in here, so rather than write it twice it's just all going in here.  If you're not interested, then skip it!

I am so emotionally full but also exhausted.  I just got back from the funeral of my friend, across the street neighbor, and for 2+ years visiting teaching sister Kathleen.  I have just cried and cried about her passing and as I've done so I've realized it's been for many reasons.  First of all, she was just a sweet lady and I will miss her.  In the last ward I was in I was assigned as VTing companions with an older lady and all of the ladies that we visited were older too.  I can't even tell you how much I learned from them and how much knowing them has enriched my life.  I felt the spirit so many times when I visited with them.  Their life-long devotion to the Gospel was inspiring to me and so has been the way with which I watched them month after month as they fought bodies that gave them constant pain and trials.  They comforted me in so many ways in which I'm sure they will never know as they counseled with me and watched me become a mother and then watched my little one grow each month as I brought Noah with me on visits.  They patiently, and even joyfully, listened to me tell about my triumphs and concerns in raising him all the while telling me that they remembered how that was, that they thought I was doing an excellent job and how wonderful Noah was.  At times when I shared some of my ongoing challenges of keeping Noah safe as a toddler they were even able to comfort me by telling me experiences from when they were young mothers and things that were even worse happened to them and their children.  After spending an afternoon talking with them each month, I always went away feeling buoyed up and more confident; even more a part of the divine sisterhood of mothers.  What a gift.  Now one of those sisters that I shared those experiences of testimony, motherhood, and sisterhood with has gone and I miss her.

Another reason I've cried and cried about this is because Kathleen, who was only 67, reminds me in so many ways of my own mom.  And I look at her children who are maybe only 10 years older than me and think, "How will they survive without their mom?".  I look at myself and think, "If my mom were to die, I know she would be ok, but would I?".  I think of my mom who lost her mother at almost that exact same age with 3 young children by her side and two left unborn.  I don't want that to be me, but I guess no one does.  The comfort that I feel about that is, I think, the same comfort that my mom has felt all these years since her mom left.  I know my Grandma isn't really gone.  I know she is still there, is still aware of me and even more so of my mom.  I know that my mom still gets help and feels love from my Grandma.  So I know I would be ok, but I would miss my mom so much...

Oh, cry, cry, cry.  See?  I told you this belonged in my private journal, but I'm too tired and the reason I'm too tired is because of that little pint-sized nightmare-aholic that lives across the hall from me.  Last night was the second night in a row that he has suffered from nightmares.  What am I doing wrong that he has so many and that nothing will make them go away?!  Last night from 10pm until 3am every time he would fall asleep deep enough to start dreaming he would wake up almost immediately because of some scary monster nightmare.  Every time I would go in to comfort him, and he really was afraid.  I said a prayer with him, I tucked him in lovingly, I talked to him about happy things as he fell asleep again, but those dang monsters would just keep coming back.  He told me in the middle of the night that it was a, "scary alligator".  This morning he confessed there were "dragons" in his room that were trying to "eat me".  He told his Daddy all about the "rawrs" first thing when he woke up in the morning.  What are we going to do?  I even made a make-shift bed and "slept", if that's what you could call it, in his room for a few hours last night.  Luckily Chris is the best husband in the world with the best job in the world and he was able to go into work late this morning so I could get a bit of extra sleep.  I've been extra careful today about what he has seen or what we've talked about.  Yesterday I read Animalia to him and I'm pretty sure that's where the dragons came from.

Thanks for letting me get all that out.  I'm feeling a lot better already!  Now for some cute pictures and some fun stories that I've been meaning to write down.

He's been saying so many cute words lately.  Some of our favorites are (and I've tried to write them the way they sound when he says them): "Chockey meylk", "library" (with all of the syllables pronounced very carefully), "nakeed", "pree-ty", and "I love you too" (all run together really fast including the too even when he says it first).  Lately he's loved whispering, "I love you too" in Daddy's ear.

The other day the three of us were at home together.  I went upstairs for something and Noah was just wandering around our kitchen.  When I came down the stairs he came running to me as fast as he could and said, "I saw you!" and gave me a great big hug around my legs.  It's so nice to be missed even when I'm only gone for two minutes!

A long time ago we bought him some bath toys that include a little fishing pole and some fish.  Well, he's been into playing with, especially, the fishing pole ever since Mason found it and played with it at our house one day.  Anything Mason does is automatically the best to Noah.  Well, the other day Noah found the fishing pole and was playing with it a lot.  I was getting ready in one bathroom and the next thing I hear is Noah making "wet" and "banging" noises in the other bathroom.  I'm sure you've guessed what I did then.  Yep.  When I walked in to find out what he was doing he was busy "fishing" in the toilet.  Yuck.

Last Saturday we had such a nice little family outing.  One thing that I love about our family is that we are always getting out and doing something fun.  We would so much rather play than work, so instead of being the family on the block with an intricately decorated house and manicured, be-flowered yard we opt to go to the park.  That day we found a trail that runs by Lagoon and took a nice leisurely stroll down it.  It's so great that Noah is getting bigger and bigger.  For the first time ever we let him walk by us almost the whole time instead of riding in his stroller.  AND he stayed on the path...pretty much.  It was so fun!  He collected little sticks the entire time and kept handing them to Chris and me.  We walked across a pretty bridge, saw ducks in a stream, a horse grazing in a pasture, roller coasters going (Noah called them "crazy trains"), and some of the animals from Lagoon's little "zoo".

Yesterday was a big outdoors kind of day.  It's finally, at least for the last day or two, started to be really nice and warm just like Spring should be.  To celebrate Linda and I took the kids to Antelope Island and flew kites, had a picnic lunch, and then explored the little homestead farm/ranch they have recreated there.  It was great!  The kite experience ended in tears though.  Mason's snapped off the line and they couldn't find it.  Kimmy couldn't hold on to hers and so kept holding on to the string instead of the handle and the string burned her tiny fingers.  Noah for some reason, but I guess it fits his mood of the past few days, was scared of the kite, didn't want to watch it fly and just wanted to go sit in the car and go home.  He actually told me, "Kite, no.  Go car."  What?!!  Kids are supposed to be delighted by kites, not afraid of them?  I didn't get it.  The picnic was lots of fun though.  I became Kimmy's hero when I squished a big black "stink bug" that was coming too close to her.  I think that was actually Noah's favorite part.  He kept saying, "stinky bug" after that.  It was cute. 

We all had lots of fun running around and checking out the different buildings that people used to live and work in there.  It reminded me a lot of Wheeler Farm, but without animals.  I'll have to take Noah there this summer.  There weren't any animals at the ranch, but we did see a whole lot of buffalo on the island.  Some crossed the road right in front of our car and we were all amazed at how cool they were and how huge too.

That night Chris and I took Noah on a long walk at Layton park and then he played on the playground there.  It was such a nice night.

Last night I gave him a pen and a coloring book, knowing full well that he'd write on himself.  It was bathtime anyway.  He called me over to see what he had done, stuck out his little hands, and told me that what he had written on them was his name.  How cute is that?  I don't know where he's picked it up, but I guess this is what it looks like when he "writes" his name.